An Open Letter to Sean Mulholland

Before I go with this open letter their are somethings I need to say some this.

In my post "The Parting of Ways" which I will not link (but you can search for it if you like) cause I believe the post is muted I talked about my realantionship with Sean Mullholland coming to an end although I did not mention him by name. This post does and although I still would not call myself a Christian their is something I was able to resolve once and for all. My issues with Sean and more/less his family.

Now let the Open letter began:

Sean:

I was wrong about you for the past two to three years. I felt that your were another shallow person that only pretended to be my friend. I know you told me last year that you could not have a 'deep relationship' with me. I took that as shallowness just as much as Thanksgiving 2003. Yes I do have family but what you don't know is that my dad in recent years has become more and more depressed. Their is more but I don't want to say anything else. He does not hurt me physically at all but its still a sad case. Don't get me wrong I have nothing but love for my Mother and Father, but we tend to be private people more/less. Sometimes I would be better living with someone life Uncle Rico from "Napoleon Dynamite."

For quite sometime in the past, I have been trying to fit in to this "Social Club" known as Church. For me the religion does not matter, at least not anymore. You can say its about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but why have that audience experience if its about the Blessed Trinty?

My attempts to connect especially with women (just trying to understand things) tended to fail, cause for somereason I have made them nevous and/or certain people told me that I did. I felt so bad for them and myself that I withdrawn myself so that would never ever had to worry my presence. This was a consistant thing I had to deal with. This even happened when I was part of a radio promotions remote. I still remember your list regarding devloping a relationships regarding the females. I might still have it, and if not I can move on. Thankfuly I do have a woman friend that can talk too, and even though both of us decided we could not live as a couple we do have great respect for each other. She was the one that led me indirectly out of organized Church.

I was still in a criss when you decided to move without any help from me. I took that that I was less important to you and felt that your reationship with me was just nothing but words or lack of depth. I try to cut people that have familes a lot of slack, but it seemed I felt would given me an "unspoken statement" that I was not welcomed as a "friend of the family." Hey it happens and I know people that were given that type of treatment.

I knew that you have given up in trying to get a recording contract and during those years I used you in trying to boost my goals (well that my confession) but when that ended I really wanted to help because I wanted to maintain a relationship not for personal gain but someone who go could help me grow and someone I could turn to for advice on certain things especially marraige and family should that even become a reality for me. During that time however I saw way too much shallow Christians and eventually I decided that I did not to be part of a religion and group that talked about loving people but just don't know how to handle people that might different than they are. For a belief that takes pride in the individual over the collective (like the eastern beliefs) their is to a certain degree a form of Collectivism in the Christian Church even if the Jesus Moverment loosened up a few things.

I also withdrew more and more from most people, and became careful who I opened myself to, and I expected that I am a Private Person by my personality and who I was as a person. This was not by choice but Destiny. Because of that I have always been the one who show an arm of friendship to those who are the misfits of the world. Those who do not fit, and those who have been picked on by society. This blog of mine has been my place to do commentary on politics and on the Entertainment business but ever so often I have talked about my personal feelings like I am doing now.

I am unable to fit in with most social groups. I am able however to work with people when need be. So far I am done this as a cart pusher at the Wal-Mart I work at and so far people have seen my drive and effort. Believe as long as I wear that Wal-Mart badge I would even give my best enemy a smile. That would change as soon as I get off the clock.

I am impressed that would do anything win my friendship back. Money can't buy you friendship as you know, but it seems that you would do anything to correct the mistakes you made. Actions of certain people regardless if they were intentional or whatever do create certain tunning points in people. I tried to change my ways with you, but it seemed I allready stuck out with you when 2003 was wraping up, and maybe I deserved every bit of crow I got during those years.

Anyway I think its going to be awhile till I can truly call you friend again. Maybe working on Sundays once again will help my with my cooling down time. I doubt it if I ever attend church on a regular basis again. I just can't fit in any church, and people just see me as something to avoid big time. The best thing is the focus on work and prove to those around me that I can do my work to the best of my abblities. I might take you on your vacation offer someday if the cards are right.

Because of another friend's marrage in the mid 1990's their was a riff in that realtionship in that one as well. I told you of his name, but I did not tell you that part.

As for a belief in God, I ask myself if God is so carring then why did he allow so many people to suffer???? I have lack of faith because this God choose to let me sink. Maybe the Diest ideal is the right one since their is a belief in God but just does not intervine in people's daily lifes. I really take on faith as I used too. I take things on someone "showing the money."

I think that sums up this open letter Sean. You may never understand me ever. It will take someone in your core and/or extended family to make you understand. Your sisters in law may be the ones to deal with my kind. Maybe your brother and his wife will have a child like me. I also have issues with your brother too in recent years, and he has blew me off because of it. It does not bug me one bit, but I will tolerate him should he ever return to America and Colorado and I see him again. You have proved to me you have more

I hate to say this Sean, but maybe that's what it will take for your own personal enlightment. I don't really want to wish it on you family but have a lot to learn...and so do I.

Until we meet again All The Best To You!!!!

I think we shall be Friends once again...Someday Soon.

Don McCullen
donmccullen@prodigy.net